I Think Way Too Much...When I Actually Think

I think (haha "think") I need to think in more simple terms. I always tend to over complicate things. My thinking becomes like the stream of consciousness technique usually related with James Joyce except way more confusing and very contradicting itself. Why am I writing this nonsense at 8 in the morning? Because I am thinking WAY too much and not really DOING anything. I'm the type of person that likes to go into things as prepared as possible and with every possible scenario already played out in my head. But yknow, looking back, all the scenarios I come up with in my head are useless because things never go how I thought they would go. Even out of all the possible scenarios none of them actually occurred. Anyways WHAT am I thinking about? This totally awesome girl that trumps me in lots of different ways and I guess I'm suffering from an inferiority complex because I know that I am not where I'm supposed to be. I should be getting ready graduated from my undergraduate studies but I am not. My grades should be pretty good but they're not. My life should not be in shambles but it isn't. My friends wonder why I haven't made an actual move yet. Lemme ask you this: If you know that you aren't in the position you should be in, do you think you can proudly call yourself boyfriend/girlfriend of so-and-so? You think friends and family of so-and-so will accept you when you currently are not as appealing as you should be? Yes, there is the flipside in which so-and-so and friends and family won't care too much because they all have faith in you that you will succeed but really? I dunno if I would be comfortable in that situation, but I DO know that I don't wanna just give up. But that's just being selfish: not thinking about her feelings. OH that and friends little sister blabbed everything...which is a bad thing...I think. Like I said I think WAY too much. Instead of typing this stupid blog post I should be being more proactive and aggressive.

You Will Now and Forever Be a Child

So I was in at work (44 minutes late!) around 5:45am at Einstein Bros. Bagels (in Irvine) still barely awake and just running on autopilot. My mind was everywhere except at work and I came to the conclusion that if one has to say: "I am not a child!" or something of the sort, then that individual is still a child. Think about it. Remember when we were all younger and we all wanted to be treated as adults? We would say things like "I can do it myself 'cause I'm a big kid." or something like that, right? I realized that I'm still kinda doing that. My parents are constantly reminding me to do things and I am constantly reminding them that I'm no longer a child but a [man-child] adult. I'm used to hearing things like "You will always be my baby" and other cheesy phrases like that but y'know, really think about it. If you want to prove that you're no longer a child, you can't do it with words. You have to do it with actions. And if people fail to recognize those actions, you can't resort to words to prove your maturity. You can't do anything. It's complicated and kinda doesn't make much sense but keep playing out scenarios in your mind. I dunno about you guys but this really bothered me because most of my childhood was about proving myself. Proving that age doesn't matter. That I was fully capable of achieving the same things people older than me can achieve. That I was just as good even at a younger age. Even in personal relationships, I have this weird trend in which I will fall for a girl a little bit older than me (which is apparently a common characteristic in Korean guys born in the year 1989. Go figure.) Even though I am a little bit younger (ranges from a few months to a couple years), I want to show her/them(?) that I'm not very different from the guys their age. I am just as mature if not more mature and I have just as much potential as those guys that much older than me. The only difference is age (and sometimes time which is sometimes important but that's not the case here...). So coming to the conclusion that I can pretty much never escape the "I'm not a child" or "Don't treat me like a child" declarations is a little bit frustrating. What's my point? Not really sure. I just thought that this was worth mentioning because I am so important. (Sarcasm people, sarcasm).